the answer
please read some of the
conversations which was
made over the phone.
Please take note that these
conversations are true incidents. =================================================================
===================================== Tech Support : “I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop. ” Customer : “Ok. ” Tech Support : “Did you get a pop-up menu?” Customer : “No.” Tech Support : “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up
menu?” Customer : “No.” Tech Support : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point ?” Customer : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’ ===================================================================
=================================== Customer : “I received the software update you sent,
but I am still getting the same
error message.” Tech Support : “Did you install the update ?” Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it
to work ?” ====================================================================
================================== Customer : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft
Word. ” Tech Support : “Tell me what you ’ve done. ” Customer : “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.” Tech Support : “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me
what it says. ” Customer : “It says ‘[ PC manufacturer] Restore and
Recovery disk ’.” Tech Support : “Insert the MS Word setup disk. ” Customer : “What ?” Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word ?” Customer: “No…” ===================================================================
=================================== Customer : “Do I need a computer to use your
software ?” ===================================================================
=================================== Tech Support : “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the
screen, canyou see the ‘OK’ button displayed ?” Customer : “Wow. How can you see my screen from
there ?” ===================================================================
=================================== Tech Support : “What type of computer do you have ?” Customer : “A white one. ” ====================================================================
================================== Tech Support : “What operating system are you
running?” Customer : “Pentium. ” ====================================================================
================================== Customer : “My computer ’s telling me I performed an
illegal abortion. ” =====================================================================
================================= Customer : “I have Microsoft Exploder. ” ====================================================================
================================== Customer : “How do I print my voicemail ?” ====================================================================
================================== Customer : “You ’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need
to print document, but the
computer won ’t boot properly. ” Tech Support : “What does it say ?” Customer : “Something about an error and non-system
disk. ” Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy
inside?” Customer : “No, but there ’s a sticker saying there ’s an Intel inside.” ======================================================================
================================ Tech Support: “Just call us back if there ’s a problem. We ’re open 24 hours.” Customer: “Is that Eastern time ?” ====================================================================
================================== Tech Support : “What does the screen say now ?” Customer : “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready ’.” Tech Support : “Well ?” Customer : “How do I know when it ’s ready ?” ====================================================================
================================== A plain computer illiterate
guy rings tech support to
report that his computer is
faulty. Tech: What ’s the problem? User: There is smoke coming
out of the power supply. Tech: You ’ll need a new power supply. User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files. Tech: Sir, the power supply is
faulty. You ’ll need to replace it. User: No way! Someone told
me that I just needed to
change the startup and it will
fix the problem! All I need is
for you to tell me the
command. 10 minutes later, the User is
still adamant that he is right.
The, tech is frustrated and fed
up. Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don ’t normally tell our customers
this, but there is an
undocumented DOS command
that will fix the problem. User: I knew it! Tech : Just add the line LOAD
NOSMOKE.COM at the end of
the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know
how it goes. 10 minutes later. User : It didn ’t work. The power supply is still smoking. Tech : Well, what version of
DOS are you using? User : MS-DOS 6.22. Tech : That’s your problem there. That version of DOS
didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask
them for a patch that will
give you the file. Let me
know how it goes. 1 hour later. User : I need a new power
supply. Tech support : How did you
come to that conclusion? User : Well, I rang Microsoft
and told him about what you
said, and he started asking
questions about the make of
power supply. Tech: Then what did he say? User: He told me that my
power supply isn ’t compatible with NOSMOKE. ================================================
======================================================
